Sometime last year, I felt it on my heart to write up what my worship journey has looked like. How it all began, what motivated me and pretty much where it has taken me. Well, I did that, but I could never really conclude the piece. I am constantly learning and growing, and it would be somewhat unfair to try concluding that piece of work. So that has led me to where I am right now, sitting on a plane with a burning desire to start a blog post.
I figure that I would share parts of my journey in a few easy to read blog posts and perhaps it inspires you or makes you think. I don’t have a direct plan at the moment (besides a few ideas for future posts), but I am curious to see where this goes.
I have named my blog – A Worship Diary. It is literally some of my thoughts, ideas and feelings. I will share as much as I can and hope it blesses you.
My blog is not entirely aimed at worshipers although a lot of what will be written would come from this perspective: I am a Christian. I grew up in a what you would call a charismatic church (you know, flags, dancing and hands up in the air kind of vibes). I went to Sunday school (some churches call it Children’s church), I participated in singing and dancing (Right Arm, Left Arm, Right Foot, Left Foot and Turn Around ) and after all that, my parents also placed me in a Christian school so when I was done singing Father Abraham on Sunday – I was ready to sing Hop on the bus, God is on the move the Monday at school.
Today, I serve as a worship coordinator at my local church, play a few string instruments and absolutely love the house of the Lord. In other words, not much has changed!
My point is this – you might not have the same upbringing as me or perhaps not even the same beliefs, but I trust there will be something for everyone to take out of these posts. I would also love to engage with you – if you agree, disagree, frown upon – whatever it is, drop a comment or send me an email, let’s talk!
Transparency – I strive to live my life with complete transparency. Who I am in front of you is who I should be in front of my boss, my mother, my pastor and my dog! (His name is FLASH by the way). So these blog posts will be raw, real and authentic.
I am aiming to push out these blog posts quite regularly (hoping that life does not get the better of me and I can share my journey with you!). If you’d like to keep up to date with my posts – be sure to subscribe/follow with your email address!
Have you ever encountered times in your life that just seem strange? Seasons that do not seem to make sense – you recognize that something is not quite right and perhaps you even know “how to make it right” but you just cannot seem to do so?
Perhaps it was the interjection of a new variable – a job, a child, life or death – or maybe just the busyness of life. As you take stock of your life and look back a month, a year (maybe even longer), you recognize that you are not where you want to be. Feelings of anxiety, stress, or worry tend to dominate your thoughts, and you wonder – how do you fix this?
In January of this year, my wife and I took stock of our own lives. We realized that we had formed a few bad habits that were hindering us from doing the things we really wanted to do. We seemed to have little time for growing intimacy with Jesus, time for each other, and it felt like we were never really resting. I had this thought that we were not going to do what everyone does in January and set ourselves up for failure with New Year’s resolutions, but we were going to make some lifestyle changes that would help us change our behaviour and thus allow us to make space for the things we wanted to. (In hindsight, I may have just had New Year’s resolutions in fancy wrapping paper…).
Behaviour change 1:
I decided to do an experiment on us… for a few nights, we stopped watching TV series an hour before bed. We would read or just rest our minds before sleeping. Then, for one night, we went back to “old habits” as we watched one 20-minute comedy just before closing our eyes to sleep. The results? The nights that we had opted to switch off from the screen a little earlier had seen a significant increase in our energy levels. (We both wear watches to monitor our sleep). We woke up feeling energized and ready to take on the day, and it had felt like we had gained a few more hours in our day. There were some evenings where I wondered – what were we doing with all this free time before this… However, the day after we had indulged in one short little episode had us struggling to wake up, our day felt rushed, and we could not get to what we needed to that day. It was an unreal revelation for us.
Behaviour change 2:
Does this sound familiar? Your alarm rings in the morning at a pre-determined time that you’ve established is when you need to wake up to get ready for the day, perhaps exercise a bit, spend some quiet time, have a healthy breakfast, and get to your day – on time and swimmingly – but then something strange happens, you hit this little snooze button. Once, twice, three times. (Any Lionel Richie fans here?). Eventually, you decide to check your phone, to see if there are any important messages or maybe even to read your daily scripture of the day. You see this little notification that your favourite reel spammer has sent you something, so you open up your feed and watch this recommended video… 30 minutes later (maybe even an hour) – you frantically jump out of bed, frustrated that you’ve gone through another session of doom scrolling and rush to get to work (or wherever you need to be) without even thinking of exercise, food, or quiet time.
I think this is the story, in some variation, for many of us, and so behaviour change 2 came into play for me. I desperately wanted to have decent quiet time with the Lord each morning. That is genuinely my desire, but I would keep stumbling in this same way – so we modified the behaviour by blocking the respective apps that caused this between 5 am and 7 am in the morning. Just like that, I was getting to everything I wanted to – with time to spare. IT WAS AMAZING. There were days when my muscle memory would kick in and head over to those apps, but as soon as I saw the greyed-out icons – I was reminded and my mind swiftly moved past it and I would get to the things that I really wanted to do.
By now you must be wondering, what am I on about if I have managed to make these behavioural changes and get some balance in my life. Well, we had some life interjections. Nothing hectic really, all things that we loved to celebrate and wanted. Our siblings (on both sides) got married, and we got our long-awaited doggie (Magnum). Oh boy, were we not ready for the interrupted sleep a 6-week-old puppy gives you. Chuck out the good behaviour – when Maggie wants to play or use her ablution facilities – you better be ready. This little bundle of joy disrupted our rhythms like we had never imagined.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter if we watched TV or not, scrolled social media or not – we had no time! It felt like we entered survival mode again… And well, the brain is a funny thing – now that it “did not matter” – why not watch a little bit of TV or turn off the app restrictions just in a moment to find some time for yourself? As the weeks progressed, I found myself in the all too familiar spaces of tiredness and frustration. It was not long before I started to feel anxious about all the various things I have going on in my life.
I question how we will ever achieve our dreams. I question how we will ever overcome our mountains. My mind goes into overthinking mode and makes it extremely difficult for me to see and trust in the Lord’s sovereign hand over us. I am constantly running through every scenario, looking for solutions. From time to time, I find reprieve in the brief moments I get into the Word of God or by singing a few worship songs, but it all feels temporary because I know – my mind is anxious – my spirit is not at rest and I am not getting to the things I want (need) to.
What I am reminded of is that when things are important to you, then you do whatever you need to do to prioritize that. But I wonder how many of you would empathize with me on this, sometimes – when you’re restless – it is near impossible to prioritize correctly. In other words, I am so desperate to spend time with Jesus, but I find myself overthinking, trying to control, and I end up doing the totally opposite by watching more TV or scrolling away.
All this is to paint the scene, as I lay in bed – wondering and thinking and thinking and wondering – struggling to sleep. The song “Make Room” (Written by: Evelyn Heideriqui, Josh Farro, Lucas Cortazio, Rebekah White) repeats in my head. And the voice of the Holy Spirit awakens me to these lyrics – to make room. To make room for Jesus.
Immediately I felt led to open a book I had read last year, Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole. This one is top tier and highly recommended. This book had been a timely reminder of how God often works in the quiet, still, and unseen parts of our lives. If we allow Him, these are the times in which we grow deep with Him and prepare us to handle the big dreams and towering mountains.
I opened towards the end of the book– and I saw this line – “But then, being all-knowing is not my job.”
Yes. YES. YES!!! I do not need to know and wonder and figure out every little piece of my life and those around me. The giver of peace, the one who saved me, the one who is my source of strength – He alone is sovereign. He is the one who is all-knowing and well, what is my place in this? To wait on Him. To wait upon the Lord.
Naturally, this led me to a beautiful Shofarband song (Written by Greg Boy, James Pringle, Jeannie Verster) that I had the privilege of playing bass on – Wait On The Lord.
Say it to the anxious heart
Your God will come with vengeance
Overthrowing outbreaks
He holds together our way
Wait on the Lord
Say it to the anxious heart
He’s a God of faithfulness
So strengthen the limp hands
Steady the failing knees
Stay courageous
Courageous
As I write this – I know that I can be still and know that God is in control. I take peace and comfort, knowing that He will guide my way. Perhaps you can relate? Maybe you feel paralyzed by anxiety – unable to even “make room”. Take heart in knowing that Jesus is faithful – and if you can do nothing else, trust Him to make a way for you. He always does.
Growing up in a Christian home I was exposed to worship music from an early age (I always like to say that my parents never sang lullabies, just old choruses from worship songs they knew) and I had formed this belief that there was power in gospel or Christian music.
I remember one night, I was probably about five or six years old, we had got into a bumper bashing on a freeway in Johannesburg. There was commotion and noise. The blue lights of the police vehicles and people screaming at each other had created a very vivid memory in my head. I looked up and my eye caught the orange hue of our Becker radio in our old faithful Honda Ballade. In that moment, I was aware of Ron Kenoly cassette tape that was playing. All I could I remember saying was “but there’s even Christian music playing” … at which I was quickly quietened by my older cousin.
Something in me, at that age, could not believe that a “bad thing” could happen when there’s worship happening. I believed there was power in those words that could protect us from all bad situations.
Well, fast forward ten or so years later, and not much had changed… (in my belief at least). Whenever I felt anxious, worried, or uncertain as a young teenage boy – I would turn back to my favorite Hillsong CDs and sing along. I did not believe that those songs would protect me (like some good luck charm), but they helped me experience peace that only Jesus gives when I went through those rocky patches. I still believed that there is power.
On one specific morning, I had got myself ready and dressed, waiting for my dad to take me and brother to school. I picked up my electric guitar. (it was my first, a black Ibanez GIO). I cannot remember the exact circumstances of the time, but I was certainly feeling frustrations from disappointment and anxiety of the future. I started to strum some chords and eventually found myself singing out Hillsong’s God of Ages, found on their Saviour King album.
The lyrics are simple, short lines declaring the attributes of God: goodness, righteousness, glorious, majestic. The song also describes the works of God: healer, giver of life, savior. The bridge caps it off for me – after verses and choruses of declaring who God is – it declares that “I’m trusting You, with all my heart”.
I kept on repeating those lines until I began to internalize it.
At the time, I was a young teenage boy. I knew the Lord, but I was far from Him. Regardless of that, I knew that my only hope was found in Jesus. My only option was declaring who He is. My only way to get through the day was to put my trust in Him. There was no other choice.
Today, I am still that little boy – I am still that teenage boy and I am still a man who experiences moments of worry, anxiety, and stress. In those times, I know my only hope is found in Jesus. All I can do is look up and declare who God is and place my trust in Him.
About a year and a half ago I had a panic attack at my office because I was hurt by someone I love, and it sent semi-paralyzing waves through my body. I could not speak, I could barely walk but at some point, I could sing – just barely. God in that moment, steadied my heart, and I was able to take the next step.
Jesus has made that availability to the Father so accessible through His sacrifice on the cross. I can boldly come in, despite my state, and declare that my hope is found in Him.
If you are in place of shaky, uncertain ground – stand firm on the Word of God. Declare the truth about who God is. It does not need to be in a song. That was only the medium that God used to reach me. The words I declared are written all over the scriptures.
He is able to carry your burden. He is able to life your head up. He is able to help you take the next step. Do not loose hope.
It is amazing how the human brain has this ability to recollect a memory from your childhood and yet sometimes I can not even remember if I have locked my car. What is even more amazing is when the Holy Spirit uses that memory to convict my heart and bring correction.
This morning, as I was streaming into our online service, I remembered the church I grew up in. A charismatic church based in the South of Johannesburg. The church was built to serve the community it was found in and had many faithful congregants from various backgrounds. As in most churches, the church ran on volunteers. Some who sang, some who ushered and some who served the children. One of those places to serve was to bring a bouquet of flowers that would be placed in the front of the church. (I am not entirely sure why, but my presumption would be to make the hall feel cozier and more hospitable). Granted that the last time I entered that church was about seventeen years ago, my memory is that every household had a turn to do this.
Shortly after remembering this – I remembered hearing many people snickering about someone’s bouquet of flowers. “Did you see what type of flowers she brought?” “How small was that bouquet?” “Why bring anything at all, if you’re going to bring that?” … I am fairly sure I was not supposed to hear these things – “Big people were talking” but these are the kinds of things I heard.
The Holy Spirit immediately reminded me that we should NEVER judge someone else’s offering to the Lord.
Jesus taught the disciples something similar in Mark 12 Vs. 41-44.
The Widow’s Offering
Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins.
Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.”
Jesus knew to look at the heart before the offering. He knew that this widow had offered everything she had.
So many times, in churches, I see people who are highly gifted or people who are wealthy be elevated and honoured. They are often pushed into positions of leadership or given a platform to speak. I am reminded that we as the church should not see things that the same way that the world sees things but rather, we should ask Jesus to show us how He sees people.
With that in mind remember God has placed something inside of you that can be used for His glory. Gifts and talents that we can bring as an offering to Him and His body but often we are too shy to bring out those gifts because of this culture that the church has [incorrectly] adopted. Ask Jesus to reveal how He sees you. He knows your struggle and sees your heart.
I believe that Jesus has called me to be a worshiper and to bring worship to places that need it. I believe that wholeheartedly and because of that – I have the boldness to present my offerings, my talents, my everything. Even if it costs me my dignity.
Much love, Hayden Hayl’
Here is one of my favourite songs by Third Day;
“I stand before you at this altar so many have given you more
I may not have much I can offer yet what I have is truly yours”
Here we are, my first post of the new year. Twenty Twenty-one. It might feel like a shock for some that we have made it this far. The last year had been a whirlwind, right? That whirlwind threw me in all sorts of directions. I blew hot, I blew cold and I blew lukewarm.
Like many, the changes that were imposed and the shut down of life as we knew it really took the wind out of my sails. I lacked motivation, I indulged myself in series and movies and well, did what I could to keep going. The consequence of this? I had developed a strained relationship with the Lord. My Comforter and Peace was no longer where I sought refuge. I say strained because there was other moments in the year where I felt connected with Lord and in tune with what He was saying and doing. It felt as though I was doing the bare minimum to stay tethered to Him.
It was not a binary thing either. It always came as a gradual, slow burn but before I knew it – the fire was bigger than I anticipated.
In those moments, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I needed to push past my physical feelings and sit at the feet of Jesus. Worship Him. Adore Him. But I could not do it… alone. A conversation with a friend, a word from a mentor, a worship set – these moments propelled me back into the arms of my Saviour. I am grateful for that because it kept me going when I could not bring myself to that place.
That being said, I found myself slipping back to the flat lukewarm being and soon cold. It was an incredibly difficult space to be in and what worried me was the increasing frequency of this happening.
As we narrowed down the year – I had only one objective and that was to get to my holiday. I thought, if I could just have some time where I am not concerned about the responsibilities or if I am surrounded with family then all this will resolve itself. It did not. Being around family certainly helped but for the most part – I was still feeling the same way – just in a different location.
My new year started before I had a chance to catch my breath. I was back in office soon after my time off and well – just like that, the responsibilities and admin had picked up. I was preparing to move as well, and boy I am glad for that process. Whilst packing up my previous home, I unpacked some of my old quiet time journals. I began to read the prayers and testimonies of a hungry young adult. My faith was stirred.
I finally opened the pages of one very pronounced night. It was a late night encounter with the Lord that was so tangible and real that as I ready those scribbles – I felt the hope in my heart begin to rise and my joy return.
I could not contain myself that night, I think I went to bed after midnight – just enjoying God’s tangible presence.
Reading that reminded me of how in-love with Jesus I was in that moment. He was my everything and that night was an outpour of my adoration for Him. A few nights after that – I thought to myself, it has been a while since I wrote a love letter to someone. Is that even still a thing for couples? I was almost going to write something for the sake of it when I remembered my first love, Jesus. The one who ransomed His life to give glory to that Father and that we would have eternal life.
I poured out my heart on some pages again – every unfiltered thought and word. I found my Saviour again. I found my first love.
Jesus never gave up on me. His voice was consistently calling me into His presence, but I chose differently.
I do not know where you stand with your relationship with Jesus. Perhaps you have never even had one. With all the negativity and loss experienced over the last while I know that some reading this need to sit at the feet of Jesus and worship Him. There is a Saviour calling out your name, choose to respond.
I was recently thinking about the moment I took the leap into worship ministry. It is somewhat crazy and (actually) unbelievable in the way it all worked out. I might have previously mentioned about me being in a Christian school or growing up in church or generally being exposed to praise and worship but that does not change the fact that there was a point in my life that I had chosen this journey.
The day I started in worship ministry; I could play something like three songs… In one key. My knowledge was extremely limited. One of my closest friends and I started learning guitar around the same time. He was pegged on electric and well, I started on bass. We were young – about 14 years old and we just wanted to make music.
We were both attending the same youth on Friday nights and a highlight for us would be the time of worship. Sometimes it was about the music and sometimes it was a real encounter with Jesus, but we always looked forward to it. We wanted to also play our music. We had jam session after jam session at each other’s homes. I am sure our parents had constant headaches.
At some point we thought, we should start the school band up again. Being in a Christian school meant our assemblies would start almost like a church service, with some praise and worship. The school went through phases… worship with a band, worship with a CD, worship with a piano but at that point we had been without a band for a while.
And so, we decided, we’re going to start the school band. We had it all planned out – I would type a letter to our principle, we’d get all the musicians we knew in the school together and make music.
A few days later we got called to the church office (which was on the same property) to meet with the music director and essentially gain permission to start the school band and thus The Lord’s Instrument was born.
Week in, week out we played the exact same songs. (The three I knew – it eventually built up to six songs). There was nothing amazing about our skill, there was nothing amazing about our music. We had limited knowledge and we were only starting out.
I know it might sound crazy but the Lord really thought me a lot during that time. Do you remember the story of how Jesus fed 5000 with just a little boy’s offering of five small barley loaves and two small fish?
Can you imagine being that little boy? I can.
I can imagine people all around him telling him that it’s not worth it! There are too many men here! What you have is not enough!
Jesus, however, sees more that the physical. He can take any offering and use for His glory and namesake. My three songs and my limited knowledge was all I had to bring and yes – I still had a way to go and there were many times that my intentions were far from pure BUT if it hadn’t been for that initial step of faith, I don’t think I would be the worshipper I am today.
What do you have to bring today? What in your life can be used to bring glory to Jesus’ name? What do you have to bring people closer to Jesus?
Whatever it is, big or small, I believe God has a plan and purpose! Maybe it’s taking out a struggling friend for a cup of coffee or maybe it’s signing out a few songs of praise, whatever is it – use it for His glory.
I have always believed in the power of prayer. Ever since I could comprehend that I can talk to God through prayer – I have prayed. As a seven-year-old boy I thought of God as a genie. Someone who would grant me my every wish and all I had to do was pray and ask Him for it, right? Wrong. That is not how prayer works, I eventually learnt that my selfish desires are not the kinds of things I should be trusting God for.
(Psalm 119 vs 36, one of my favorite verses that keeps me in check. “Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain.”)
My prayer life was founded on one thing – God can do absolutely anything. As I grew up, I began to see God heal, restore, provide, relieve, and move in my life and the people all around me. Every time I saw His hand work, my faith would grow stronger.
Church often gets compartmentalized… You have the intercessors, the preachers, the singers, the greeters… the list goes on. Whilst I think some people are better suited or aptly gifted in certain areas – there are somethings that are fundamental and somethings that go hand in hand with each other.
I believe that worship and intercession (or prayer) is one example of this. As a worship leader my role is to point people towards Jesus. To lead people to the feet of Jesus and allow Him to move in people’s hearts. Often, people struggle to connect with God. In that moment, I can play my best music or shout my best worship leader cheers but if someone is distracted – nothing I can do will help. My best option is to pray and trust that the Holy Spirit will break through those things that prevent people from connecting with Him.
Time and time again I have seen this happen: the worship seems like it is hitting the roof and just noise really and then we take a step back and pray. Right then, God opens the floodgates and people are in awe of who He is.
Why am I saying all of this?
I was recently reminded of the power of prayer in my own worship journey and ministry. I was recording a lockdown style worship set and for the life of me – I could just not get things to go right. Retake after retake after retake… eventually I took a break. When I returned, I prayed first. Once my attention was right, everything else went so much smoother. I enjoyed the set and worshiped while recording. It was amazing.
A few days after that, I thought about the fact that so many of us are doing church at home right now. We find ourselves needing to be our own worship leaders and well, the distractions and temptations are fighting for our attention even more so. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I can pray. I can intercede for those who are struggling to connect with Him and have faith that He will bring His presence into those spaces. A few hours after our church service went live, we received a testimony of someone praising God for His faithfulness in worship. She recited almost verbatim my entire prayer. I was blown away.
If you are struggling to connect with Jesus, pray. Ask Him to remove the distractions and allow Him into your life. It is worth it!
Over the last few weeks, you may have noticed that no blog posts have come out. I know… I could do better! (As some of my friends would say…)
I’ve been working on a few creative projects and they’ve taken up much of my free time over the last while!
So what have I been working on? Well, not being able to attend church services has got me thinking of how do we (worship teams) still fulfill our mandate during this time of church life looking very different.
One of the ideas that came up was to do a collaborative cover or song of something that would encourage our church and point them towards Jesus. So we decided to attempt this with limited equipment.
We decided to do a rendition of an old hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus written way back in 1922 by Helen Howarth Lemmel.
With all the conspiracies and and mixed information going around – what better thing is there for the church to do but to focus our eyes on Jesus.
Lemmel based the song on Isaiah 45 Vs 22:
“Look to Me, and be saved, all you ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other.
Isaiah 45 Vs 22 NKJV
While prepping this video – another verse that points us towards Jesus kept coming to mind.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12 Vs 1-3
My team and I put together a bunch of videos – each of us adding a little piece of the song – and now here it is – Our prayer is that it will encourage us as the church to take the attention off our circumstances, onto Jesus because He is constant and will lift up our weary heads.
Have you ever walked out of a church service of some sort and started chatting to a group of friends and everyone is going on and on about how great the service was? You’re standing there and thinking “Man! Was I even there?” Or perhaps the opposite is true and you’re the only one who felt as though that service was life changing! How is it possible that the presence of the same powerful God can be in the same place and different people have such contrasting experiences?
Well this got me thinking about Samuel. Do you know who Samuel is? There was a lady named Hannah who was bullied because she was barren for many years. She so desperately wanted a child that she promised the Lord that if she ever bore a child, he (in this case) would be given straight back to Him. God gave her a son and she named him, Samuel. She kept her promise and dedicated Samuel to the Lord. As a result, Samuel lived in the tabernacle with the priest, Eli.
One night, Samuel kept being woken up by an authoritative voice. Naturally, he thought Eli had been calling him and kept pestering the man asking if he had called. This happened a few times until finally Eli advised him to respond to the voice as Eli realised this was God speaking to Samuel.
God called out to Samuel again and Samuel responded – “Speak, your servant is listening.”
A few years ago, my church held a seminar on sonship, identity and legacy. My small group (life group, homegroup, cell group – whatever you call it) leader at the time gave me the advice to really pay attention to what will be said and to go with what God is doing. I pitched up and immediately felt like I wanted to rebel. I was giving up a Saturday to be there with a bunch of strangers and all I wanted to do was fly under the radar and get back home. Just before I hopped out my car, the Lord convicted me and said I should engage with the seminar as best I could. I was going to get out of this only what I was willing to.
Choosing to engage that weekend was a life changing decision and God’s overwhelming presence brought healing, restoration and freedom throughout that seminar.
I have felt many times that I just could not connect with God… Usually, I know that my mind is distracted. My own ideas, thoughts, desires, jealousy, hurt, pain, offence – cloud my ability to hear God’s voice.
God’s word gives us a promise in James 4. If we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us! It is a promise! He will respond to you when you respond to Him!
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world – James 4 Vs 7-8.
Worship is a choice – it’s a decision we make to respond to what God is doing or saying. It is a response to His awe-inspiring presence. It is a response to who He is.
Choose to listen, choose to respond – God is waiting to reveal His heart to you.
Much love, Hayden Hayl’
(PS. I wrote this blog post at 03h20 on a Monday morning. I got up unexpectedly from my sleep and could not get this out of my mind. God is always speaking!)
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29 Vs 11. Apart from John 3 Vs 16 – I am tempted to say this is the most quoted bible verse. Of course, I have no statistical backing for that but I have heard this scripture being prayed and taught countless times in my life. Still, what God declares to Jeremiah here is still prevalent in our lives. I have many testimonies of God’s goodness and faithfulness. Times when His plan truly was the best thing for me.
When I was fifteen, going on sixteen and still figuring out a lot of who I am as a person, my whole life was about to change. I grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa. I loved Jozi. The rat race that most people hate? I didn’t mind. The concrete outline of the CBD? Mesmerized me. The traffic? Okay, I did not love EVERYTHING about Joburg but for the most part, I was patriotic about calling the metropolitan my home. I had formed so many great relationships in Joburg and my life revolved around those relationships. Then came a life change like I had never expected. We were about to move to Middelburg. Middelburg, Mpumalanga – literally in the middle of nowhere. I felt like the City Mouse felt when he visited the Country Mouse in Assop’s Fables. How do you live in this small, boring…place? My plan was to finish school and GET BACK TO JOHANNESBURG. (For the record, this did not happen so…)
“For I know the plans I have for you…” God most certainly did. I lived in Middelburg for three years before I went to study. My parents still live there today. I look back at my time in Middelburg as one of the most significant times in my life. Almost as a pivot point in my walk with Christ. There are many significant factors that triggered the change in my life during that time: a relationship, friends, school and the church. Each worthy of its own blog post. Through those factors, for the first time in my entire walk with Christ, I heard that I could be in living relationship with Him. That I could actually commune with Him and do life with Him. Before that I prayed, and I believed but I had viewed Jesus as genie type of god who would grant me my wishes if I prayed the right words and believed hard enough.
Experiencing Jesus as a relational God who wants to spend time with me and wants to hear about the things that weighed heavy on me and wants to reveal Himself to me, was the best thing that Middelburg gave to me. That shift in my understanding of who God is has paved the way for me to where I am today. The people He placed in my life, the situations He used to draw me closer to Him and quiet time in His word set in motion my desire to see His kingdom come and His will be done. God brought so much healing in that time that I can’t help but want every person to know that freedom.
Don’t get me wrong, living in Middelburg was challenging for me for a number of reasons but the overwhelming goodness of God outweighs everything I ever faced.
You might find yourself questioning your purpose or God’s plan for your life but take heart in knowing that God really knows the plans He has for us and we can be encouraged that He works all things for the GOOD of those who love Him.
I always take time to reflect when I write these blog posts. I think of significant moments in my life and I trust the Holy Spirit to impart some of the joys and revelations of my journey with you. In the last few weeks I have found myself feeling hopeful, hopeless, joyful, depressed, confident and ashamed. Lockdown has done a number on my emotions. Many of my friends have experienced similar during this time. In all the loneliness and isolation – I was reminded of a sermon I had the privilege of sharing with some friends and family and now I have the opportunity to share part of that with you.
One of the most famous parables that Jesus told – The story of the prodigal son. One of my absolute favorite’s because it reflects so many aspects of the kingdom BUT mainly because it reveals to us The Father’s Heart for His Children. Let’s read Luke 15 Vs 11 till 19.
11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.
13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
I think sometimes we read this part of scripture (vs 17-19) and think that’s a desperate man who acknowledges exactly where he is and humbles himself, but I think there is something even more to see. Here is a man who has forgot the LOVE of HIS FATHER.
You see, he grew up in his father’s house. He knows who his father is. He probably saw the generous nature of his Father. He has experienced his father’s blessings but when EVERYTHING was against him, he forgot – for a moment – how much his father loves him.
How many of us are in that space today? Or how many of us have been in that space over the last while?
Perhaps you have seen God move in miraculous ways before. You’ve seen Him heal the broken hearted, heal the ill, restore the sinner. You’ve seen it and perhaps even experienced it, BUT when life has you (locked)down, you were somehow aware of His love but also had forgotten His love.
The father in the story goes on to throw a big celebration for his son that has returned! He was generous and forgiving. He never expected his son to earn back his love. He simply loved him because that is who he is.
I love this scripture in Romans 8
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God’s word to us is that NOTHING can remove us from HIS LOVE. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! No matter how lonely you feel, how much you’ve sinned or how hopeless you feel. NOTHING CAN SEPERATE YOU FROM HIS LOVE. He loves you. He always will. That will never change, even if we forget.
A Worship Diary 